How Girls Camp Reaffirmed My Faith In God
DAY 1:
I drive my mother’s mini-van up to camp. The road is straight uphill, unpaved, and covered with rocks. Bumpity-bump we go. I do not get woo-head. I do not even get mildly dizzy. I ignore people flipping me the bird when I realize it is not because of my driving, but because of Mom’s choice in bumper stickers, proclaiming her support of Obama, public radio, and elitist liberal art colleges. I smile and wave. The girls and I are safe and on time.
A hornet lands on my arm. It fails to sting me.
DAY 2:
I realize that I’ve sneezed a grand total of three times since my arrival at camp. I’ve had worse allergies than this in my dentist’s office. It’s as if no blade of grass, no tree nor bush can harm me. I wonder if perhaps I have become immortal. To double check, I trip over a tree root. The ensuing bruise confirms that I am indeed still human. The meager size of the bruise confirms that some higher power has heard the pleas of myself and my other dedicated blog-readers.
We are in bear country. We see nary a bear.
DAY 3:
It’s our turn on the much-buzzed-about zipline, which is less a real zipline and more an elementary-school-playground get-up that happens to cross a deep ravine. I’m in charge of waiting at the bottom to help the girls dismount. They fly to me at Superman speeds. They ask me to try. Despite worries of woo-head and Bad Hand, I oblige.
Once I get on the zipline, time seems to slow down. Then I realize that no, it is not TIME slowing down, I am actually moving slow-motion in real-time. I dangle over the ravine, admiring its beauty, vaguely aware that something has gone awry. “Bend your knees!” the girls say. I do, but it does not change anything. I gradually stop short of the finish line. There is no need for help dismounting. Which is good, because no one would be able to. They’re all rolling on the ground, crying with laughter. I am unscathed.
It pours rain. Lighting strikes a tree. Ominous smoke billows. This tree is not on our campsite.
The tree hit by lightning on our campsite is fine, as are we.
DAY 4:
The mini-van’s battery is dead, but luckily we have a nice neighbor with jumper cables and a leader named Grandpa with a powerful truck and engine know-how.
My flesh wounds are so scant I can count them: 6. This is a 317% improvement over last year.
Prayer works.
I love you, girls. We are small but mighty.
August 3rd, 2010 at 12:02 pm
You can’t die until after your next book comes out. See, there’s a reason your life is being preserved.
August 3rd, 2010 at 12:35 pm
What a bunch of lucky girls! I’m sure you are the funnest girls camp leader ever!
August 3rd, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Beyond amazing.
My first comment was simply, “Amazing.” But the computer told me it was too short and to try again.
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:47 pm
I have some pictures of you gracefully (and slowly) zipping down the zip line if you’d like them. I’m glad I got to go to camp with you!
August 3rd, 2010 at 6:37 pm
I would blow a kiss to anyone driving a mini-van with the described bumper stickers. Way to go Emily’s mom. That’s a brave woman there, and I’m right with her!
Are you NOT aerodynamic or something? I’ve never zippped down a line, and so I’m not sure what law of physics must be met. Tell me how to avoid a similar mishap. You know. In case I decide to go to girl’s camp at age 60+.
August 6th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Silly me – for some reason, I was expecting this to be a sappy, spiritual post. I should have known better. You’re hilarious! Glad you survived girl’s camp.
August 7th, 2010 at 8:13 am
I still want to go to girl’s camp. Why do some people get all the luck?
I am so proud of you for going down the zipline! Woohoo, Emily! And yes, can you get the picture from Katie and post it. Please.
August 8th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Maybe you need some more meat on your bones for the zipline. I don’t know why you didn’t go, but I wish I’d have been there!
August 8th, 2010 at 9:21 pm
Em-Dawg, you are awesome! Glad you had a good time!
August 10th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
You never cease to amaze me Emily. I love how adventurous you are despite bad hand and all.
And you look stunning in your ball pics! Hottie! Your hubby is one lucky man